mjm wired :: Funny

New Dilbert Website

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 10:29:28 -0400

As part of my normal morning activities, I have to do a quick visit to Dilbert.com to figure out if I should laugh, cry or be depressed about my job. Today morning I visited the site to find some horribly broken Flash based website. I could not view the comic strip at all in Mozilla Firefox for whatever reason. Internet Explorer showed the strip, but the site was still a little quirky. I saw a "Save" button which I thought was pretty cool, until it told me I had to login to use that feature. Normally I could save the image with a right-click. The only slight positive was it showed in color, but I don't need Flash to do that, nor does it matter: the brilliance of Dilbert showed colorfully in black and white.

On the blog (which I can't see in Firefox) of Dilbert's creator, Scott Adams, he gushes about the new site:

We spent most of the past year, and a small fortune, to unwrap all the pent up Dilbert goodness and provide it to you for free, embracing the new realities of intellectual property on the web.

It seems as if I might be able search old strips which might be cool? Maybe "interact" with the script? See the old strips for free? Perhaps take the good with the bad.

To be fair the site says "BETA", but still, it disturbed my morning routine which is quite unforgivable considering Scott Adam's supposedly understands the cubicle culture.

Telling More Than Time

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 21:36:33 -0400

Back when the whole "Metro" craze was going on (it did end right?), I remember being told that having a nice watch on your wrist was a "requirement". Of course the implication was that women would be looking out for that. I really did not pay attention back then.

Later I remember someone showing me their imitation Rolex they bought for a couple hundred bucks (I think it was $1200?). Of course the real watch would be in the ten's of thousands (40 grand?), so it was a deal? Even then I didn't pay attention.

Eventually I got a nice time piece of my own, and suddenly I had the uncontrollable urge to look at everyone's wrist. I had to know what brand or style of watch they were wearing. Whether it suited them, whether it was pricey, did it match their style? But the worst habit I developed was that I would try to analyze to see if it showed something about their character.

So I was in New York last year. Everyone who's walked through the streets near Time Square has seen all the peddlers selling their bootleg DVD's, their glamorous purses or best: their luxury watches. I would hope most people know that they're knock-offs. Anyways I did approach one such fellow and gazed into his suitcase on a stand. There were all sorts of imitation Rolex's, Citizen's, Movado's and Breitling's - terrible looking in my opinion and obviously fake. But the best part of it was that I really got to see what type of watch the peddler was wearing: a $15 Casio plastic LCD watch.

I wonder what that shows?

Google Maps Across the Ocean

Sun, 22 Apr 2007 22:09:00 -0400

I saw this in the newspaper and I thought it was pretty funny. Go to Google Maps and get directions for 2 major cities that are separated by an ocean. Say for example New York and London.

Try it for yourself.

Pay close attention to how Google recommends you cross that ocean. And of course don't forget the disclaimer:

These directions are for planning purposes only. You may find that construction projects, traffic, or other events may cause road conditions to differ from the map results.

In this case you might be missing your road.

Grilled to Perfection

Tue, 15 Aug 2006 21:44:47 -0400

Someone I know once worked at a hardware store and during the summer a few years ago, like any other summer, there were gas grills on sale. So he convinced his father to buy one. His father apparently thought they were a bit too pricey but after some negotiation and discounting, a sale was finally made.

The grill was rather large so I helped him out to transport it and assemble it. Overall it appeared to be a fine product without any serious problems. However upon inspection by his father, he noticed a tiny dent on the lower storage tray. Although not visible unless closely examined, his father found it unacceptable and rather blemished for the price he paid. Functionally, the unit was perfect. Anyways he went back to the store to see if he could get a replacement storage tray or some sort of compensation. Fortunately for him they were able to order one free of charge.

Some weeks later, the replacement tray arrived. After picking it up and showing it to his father both of them were finally satisfied. To conclude the matter his father told him: "Good! Now keep this good tray in storage and leave the dented tray on the grill."

Marriage Requires Risks and ... Public Nudity

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 07:28:35 -0400

So the best way to convince your girlfriend to marry you is to run across the street naked.

The man responded that taking risks is an important part of life and, to prove his point, jumped out of a first-floor window and ran naked across the street. Before he could return, he spotted a couple walking and hid in some bushes to avoid them. A 28-year-old man noticed the bushes rustling and bare feet underneath, then drew a .40-caliber handgun and ordered the naked man out, police said. The naked suitor ran away, but the armed man gave chase and threatened to shoot, police said. The gunman fired a shot and the naked man fell to the ground, suffering minor injuries.

Other serious questions are also raised, can I shoot at any unclothed person on the street? Did his girlfriend say yes? Was the gun man shooting at anything in particular? Would a woman do this to convince her boyfriend? Would she be shot? ... Or maybe this only applies in Ann Arbor. I'll have to think about that.

Long Live MJM!

Tue, 09 May 2006 08:22:51 -0400

The "real" Mahesh Reddy started blogging ... again. When I was chatting with him he mentioned that he happened to stumble upon a link to my site, by accident. I thought that was cool. Its funny what we find by accident on the web.

Apparently those who read my resources on my website are very appreciative. Some much more than others. Often I get some messages from overseas. I so very much want to publish my "fan" mail (or email rather) but I don't want to humiliate or make fun of people who may not speak english as their primary language.

I stumbled upon this by pure accident and apparently it is an old post, but it made me smile. Someone from Burma: Nyein Chan

Cheer MJM! Long Live MJM.

So to pay my respects: Free Burma!!!.

But one of my favorites will always be from a Chinese student last year:

I am boy come from China , I am major in computer too , So I get your website from www.google.com. I am fall in love with Linux too.

There was more, but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Why can't more females contact me??? I would say free China or something to that effect, but I would hate to be blocked out by the "Great Firewall of China". Ahh well, it is good be appreciated.

Case of Mistaken Identity

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 22:13:52 -0400

Over the past two days I've been getting weird emails intended for somebody else. Now I wouldn't normally think too much of this, but these were unique. I think all 3 people who emailed me were looking for uniquely different persons.

The first one was an invitation to give an audition for a presentation on some sort of abstract skill for a Princeton Review session in Dallas, TX. Things like "cooking bread", "how to order food in french" or "finer points in annoying people". or Since it was only a mock session, I didn't need to have anything special prepared. ... Now, we all know how many abstract skills I can teach, but right now I'm not prepared to take time to visit Texas.

The second one was from someone in florida who wanted to make sure my kids and I had a good time in Germany. His interesting parenting recommendaion was to make sure they watch Pulp Fiction. Mmmm, I'm in the mood for a "Royale with Cheese". ... Achtung! You have the wrong email.

And the third (for now) was an aspiring Latina model from Chile who sent me her resume and some samples from her portfolio hoping for some work. Seriously! I'm NOT making this stuff up. Anyways, she was decently attractive. It took me sometime to translate the spanish, but in the end, my professional opinion was that modelling is NOT the way to go. ... I may tell her that someday, if I ever learn spanish.

So even if the email isn't for you, it doesn't make it spam. Sometimes reading someone else's mail might just give you that laugh you were looking for.

New Styles Old Styles

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 20:27:53 -0400

I wore a new shirt to work today. Purple isn't a color I normally wear, but I received enough compliments for me to change that. But there have been times I wore something questionable and I received rather unfavorable response.

It was the early-to-mid 80's and times were a bit difficult adjusting to this new country. Someone had passed off some hideous jacket to my mother, and one morning while helping me get dressed for school she insisted I wear it. Now I'm being objective here. It was obviously a reject from the 70's. Some of those rags from those times should have been burned in 1979 itself, but NOOOO, some got through. It was this over coat/sports coat that fit snuggly (as opposed to a little loose) and it had light brown, orange, and light bluish stipes all over it. I think it had that zig-zag pattern that looked like 1-legged dancers holding hands in unison. Anyways, I wore it reluctantly and made it to the school bus.

Being in a private school, the bus pretty much carried everyone from kindergarten to junior high. There were two 7th or 8th graders, who immediately approached me. They were always clownish, but not even for one moment did I think it had to do with my attire. They said I had the absolute coolest jacket they ever saw. They said they wanted to get some just like it and they congratulated me for looking slick. After laughing at eachother a little, and giving me a pat on the back they walked off.

I was happy all day. I realized I was wrong for disliking the jacket. I felt good that day. Really good.

Store Wars

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 12:36:44 -0400

Okay this is too funny to pass up. Now I normally don't go out of my way for organic foods, but I might be swayed.

For yet another Star Wars parody visit Store Wars.

And may the farm be with you.

I Gotta Have More Cowbell, Baby!

Wed, 04 May 2005 19:26:15 -0400

Mark you calendars: the seasoned comedy pro will return to SNL on May 14! Don't get your hopes up, he's only hosting.